awkward

An Anecdote Full of Fear

During my bus ride home, there were these three people sitting in front of where I was sitting. Then a laugh. And another. I knew right then that it was me they’re laughing at. The only explanation I could muster is that maybe they saw me before, in my anxiety-ridden state, unfortunately.

The entire commute home was hell. I tried to fight. I tried to be calm. But, that feeling that someone’s watching your every move, has already creeped in. I haven’t felt this intense fear in a long time. Old wounds have been opened. I’m back to my insecure, awkward, abnormal self. It was torture.

Now I’m here at the safety of my room. Lights out, I’m replaying the episode in my head. I’m starting to doubt myself again. If I was thinking only of myself, I would’ve lost it by now. For now, I’ll let the medicine sink in while the dark comforts me, until the fear subsides.

Life Of A Stiff

As the sea of people come and go
A sudden jolt of loneliness comes over me
Overwhelming yet crippling to the core.

Days may have passed,
But the feeling is one and the same.
Detached to the world around me
I am looking but not watching,
Merely hearing but not listening.
Senses intact, but inept nonetheless.

This never-ending routine may be dull
But it’s the only thing that keeps me alive.
This convenient world I created for myself
May be the only thing left for me in this lifetime.

Photo Credits:

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-image-coumenoole-beach-panorama-tidal-creek-ocean-single-man-looking-out-location-pointing-towards-lure-most-western-mainland-image33699551